My Monday !

So, this Monday , January 27th , was one of the busiest , craziest days !
I woke up around 10:30 am and saw I had a text message from my sister in law , Sissy . She asked me if I was home , I was curious as to why she wanted to know so I replied . She proceeds to tell me that her Nana came to pick her from school early , she wasn't feeling well , and fell down on the way to their car . Little background info , Nana is 80 years old , she works a full time job , pays all her own bills , and atleaast half of everybody else's , she drives people around all day every day , and never does for herself w/o doing for others . When I read the message I popped up . I told my bf that they need to collectively have a talk with Nana about over working herself cause she doesn't seem to see a problem . Sissy then tells me that Nana has to go to the ER and they called an ambulance for her cause while she was washing her hand out , she became dizzy and started to faint . Nana kept insisting that she was fine , but we all knew she needs to go in . In the fall , she cut the palm of her hand all the way open requiring 6 stitches , a numbing agent , and a small gauze cast for the day . For what ever reason , the HS nurse wasn't in that day .. So they had to call the Jr High nurse and have her walk across 2 campuses to look at her hand . When she got there and realized who Sissy and Nana were , she proceeds to tell them that Chy was just in her office , and is as well receiving and early dismissal . Sissy told me that I needed to come up to the high school (a little under 2 miles away) pick up the car , pick up her younger sister Chy , and we had already planned on having to walk to the grocery store that day ! After doing all of this , we returned back to our home to process all the information we just took in . Not long after that , Nana calls Sissy and tells her that I need to go get them because her grandsons truck gave out on them . No one mentioned to her or I that they were no longer at the hospital .. So, with her half a tank of gas , I drive myself all the way out to Blue Oak in Rocklin (mind you we live off the Greenback exit of 80) , and picked up Nana , she insisted on driving , but one look at her hand and I denied her access to her own steering wheel . She then tells us that her granddaughter needs to be picked up from work in 15 minutes and that her work is on Greenback and San Juan .... OH JOY ! So we go and pick her up .. When she gets in the car she asks why Nana isn't driving , Spenc(bf) tells her that we aren't allowing it , she looks at her hand and says "Oh that's not that bad ! She could drive perfectly fine." I seriously almost slammed on the brakes and punched her .. SERIOUSLY BITCH ?!?!? Were we looking at the same hand ? *God the ignorance in this family is never ending ..* After dropping her off at home , with her husband still stranded in Rocklin , we argue with Nana almost all the way home about her driving , she demands that she needs to go get her other granddaughter and great grandson at 5 & 6 . After a good 10 minutes of debate , she finally agrees to going home to get some rest and letting us finish her errands . We now have to drive about 8 miles into Pleasant Grove off of Baseline Rd to get to her work . She gets in the car and asks where her grandmother is . Evidently , people have been telling her all day that Nana is just fine , it was just a little fall and that there's nothing wrong with her what so ever .. So we tell her the REAL story . She , at least , had sense enough to understand why we were doing what we were .. She even agreed with us that she shouldn't be driving with a numb, stitched, wrapped hand .. We then picked up Spenc's little sister and his cousins little boy from their after school programs , and set out to the Sunrise area so that she could run an errand .
It was probably the most taxing, tiring, obnoxious, humbling day of my life . I spent 5 consecutive hours with my foot on a pedal .. How this woman does it every day , I have no clue ! And she works full time ! Nana is probably the most amazing woman I have ever met , if the whole world gave and helped the way she does, we would be way better off .. However , the problem comes in when she has irresponsible children and grandchildren who take advantage of her and are in just as much denial about her situation as she is . Why does she drive all the adults to and fro ? Because they don't have licenses .. Yes , they are ALL over 20 .. No driving ability . They barely GOT jobs in the first place . Her son , is the worst of them all though . My bf's dad .. He is a piece of work .. Honestly . He claimed to have been on our side .. But is the BIGGEST reason that this poor woman is working herself to death . She pays damn near all his bills . All his kids ? Guess who pays their phone bills ? And buys them the things they need ? NANA . She has to take them to school , and pick them up , and buy them lunches cause there's never any food for them at home . He tried ONE time to tell his mom to slow down , but instead of being consistent like his son and I were , he gave up at first attempt .. Way to go .. dumb ass . That day was hard , but for that woman I would do it again in a heart beat ! She is amazing <3
(If any of her kin reads this just know , YES I do mean you when I say all these hateful ass things , No I wont regret and I don't care how it makes you feel , and YOU should all be ashamed of yourselves ! GROW THE FUCK UP ! Be grown ! Stop making your Grandma/Mom live your life for you , cause guess what ..? When she's gone there will be no one left to give a fuck about you the way she does)

Breaking Point ...

Have you ever gotten to that point of no return ..? Where you can't seem to catch a break ? There's no light in your sight and you just wish you could crawl in a hole and be alone where the world can't hurt you anymore ? That is me today .. Let me just go over the list for you real quick ..
I was half way between consciousness this morning (just enough to feel but couldn't get myself to wake up or move) with the worst chest pains I have ever felt .. Subconsciously I knew if I just rolled onto my side instead of my back it would stop hurting .. but I couldn't make myself move . Finally falling back into my subconscious , I had a terrible dream that I got told that I argue too much and I was potentially going to kicked out of my house , when I did was put my opinion into what I thought was an open convo .. To which I responded "you wouldn't be the first or the last person to give up on me and leave me stranded"..
Got woken up at 9:30am by my grandmother who has been desperately trying to help improve our situation ... FROM GEORGIA .. She told me that she just talked to a lady who wants to get my mom a job asap , but she couldn't get my mom to answer .. FUCKING SHOCKER .. I've been telling her for months to take her phone off of silent .. but no .. I called and texted my mother with the info .. Then I received another phone call omw to the shower from the main office of my eye doctor . I had an appt set up for the 1st , which they have been spamming my text and email inbox with about 4 reminders per day ! The lady tells me that I must have new insurance because the one I had last year shows up as "inactive" , so , yet again , I had to explain my fucked up insurance situation to another dr ... I informed her that Welfare is convinced that I am still covered under Operating Engineers , which I haven't had coverage for in over 4 years or more.. That the only insurance I have is Health Net MediCal .. She then tells me "Well , even if that is the case , that insurance doesn't cover you until next year .. sooo . what do you want to do about it..?"  BITCH CANCEL IT . The fact that I just had to admit to you I'm no welfare means I have no fucking money for an optometry visit that YOUR office thinks is necessary to do annually .. I texted my mother infuriated by the news cause I had cancelled my weekend plans for this appt , trying to do the responsible thing .. At which time she tells me she STILL hasn't contacted her mother , which I told her was urgent at 9:30 am ... It was 1 in the afternoon . I flipped my lid and cussed her out because every time I talk to her she bitches endlessly about needing a job, wanting to work, searching for work, being broke, about to be homeless , but the two times I put my time and effort into trying to fix her situation , THAT SHE PUT HERSELF IN , she acts like I don't know what the fuck life is and that she has it all figured out . Well  you know what then mom , fuck you . Do this by yourself .. I'm done feeling sorry for you when you can't even hear me out one fucking time .
Think this is the end ? Ohh no , Im not even half way . On Monday , my boyfriends fantastic grandmother had a fall and had to go to the ER for stitches .. She demanded that she was fine , but we knew better . She tore the palm of her hand all the way to the bone , lost blood , and had to get 6 stitches and a small soft-gauze cast . Even with half a hand , a numb one at that, she demanded to drive but I wouldn't let it happen .. I spent all day being Nana , so she could have a break (I will write the details to that day in another post) Even after busting my ass all day , and not eating once til about 7 pm , I did homework so I wouldn't fall behind . I ended up not feeling well tues , so I didn't go in . I was determined to have 2 Latin history , 1 geometry and 1 personal finance done by today .. AND I DID !! I got to school .. I forgot my BOTH Latin packets .. Failed my geometry test and worked with probably the WORST tutor I have ever met in my life .. I had to run out of the center before I cried my eyes out in front of the whole school , so I did it out side of tower mart .. Now that I'm home I have to take all of our clothes down to the laundry mat cause the dryer broke last night ...
So yeah .. The next person to tell me "calm down" or "its your fault" or "youre making it worse" is getting socked in the fucking face

Reflecting ..

A time of loss seems to always be a time of reflection . We always get so caught up in our selves , in our own lives and our ways , that we take life for granted , we don't understand that in one eighteenth of a second , we could cease to exist .. It's sad that it has to come to that to make us realize that .. But loss also comes with regret , which is due to a lack of reflection prior to life altering events .. Tonight , we lost a great man fighting for his life .. And it made me think of my grandfather .. They were similar in a lot of ways .. I cried because it was sad , and I cried because I remember the pain I felt the day my grandfather died .. That man was my very best friend .. I feel terrible to have to watch these people I love and care for so much have to hurt like this , and I truly wish I could take the pain away ..
Along with my reflection I realized , even the family I don't choose to talk to or interact with , I would still hate to see go . If by chance any of them read what I post .. I do want them to know , I do love them , and I do think about them , and although I am not ready to persue relationships with them at this time , due to how our relationships with one another ended , I want them to know that if they die on me , I'm killing them when I find out ..<3 Yes , I do in fact mean my fathers' family .. We have our problems and differences , and we all have heads harded that titanium ... But they are forever in my heart ..
I wish that people didn't have to die .. forever . That they could just go to , more or less , a different country or different planet .. where we could write or call once a year just remember and communicate , and that we could join them when our time is up and be a family again .. Like Justin Moore said .. "if heaven wasn't so far away.."
This blog post is short , cause my brain scatters a bit when I cry .. But yeah .. Even if you have that one family member or friend that does nothing but get under your skin and make you cuss .... Let them know you still love them , cause you never know when the last time you will be able to do that is .. <3

Avoiding Kaiser Roseville !!

Every one has that one hospital that has awful service, or that crazy aunt Susan swears killed her husband, or that just over all  gives off a bad vibe .. But over and over again I am being given reasons to HATE Kaiser Roseville !! If any of you reading this work their could you kindly stop being such stuck up , uneducated pieces of shit please ?!?!?
So a little over a year ago , my sister and I went there . She was having slight abdominal pain , and believed she was lactating from her left breast , on top of just generally feeling weird all week , so we took her in. We were sent to the back in no time flat , the issue was , they put us in a room and just left us there for about 2 hours. Not a single staff member there bothered to come into our room even just to make sure we were planning on leaving. After those 2 hours , the doctor checked all the regular vitals , pushed on her stomach to gauge for pain , and checked for lactation . He ordered an ultra sound then left . We sat for an additional 45 minutes . At this point my sisters 1 year old daughter was exhausted and screaming . All she wanted was to be held , and to sleep .. Not to mention she was battling some things of her own . At the time the poor thing had pink eye , but it had passed it's contagious stage and she had already been prescribed eye drops by our AMAZING primary nurse practitioner , Mia , at Sacramento Family Medical Center (this lady is PERFECT you guys , seriously <3)
Any how , the lady doing the ultrasound took a strong liking to my niece , until finding out about the pink eye , she then proceeded to freak out like it was the grossest most contagious thing to ever be in the hospital .. Bitch you are an ER doctor , weird shit comes thru EVERY DAY ..
Fast forward to Christmas eve of 2013 , and my father in laws dad went to the ER . Said he felt sick and they were gonna keep him over night for observation .. Days and days and days go by .. Nothing , they just keep saying "it's pneumonia LIKE" , because they couldn't identify what exactly it was , they just knew therre was some sort of liquid crowding his lungs . To this very moment as I write , this poor man is STILL in the hospital . He was moved to ICU not long after being in the ER and has been there since .. He is intubated , in a medically induced coma , on a robotic bed to turn him ( as to not attract bed sores ) And they JUST found out 2 days ago that the poor man has had H1N1 this whole time .
If you think all that is bad , I'm not done . Due to the fact they didn't know what was wrong with him at first , they required visitors to mask , when they couldn't find anything wrong that could be directly contagious , they stopped requiring the mask .. My father in law went to see his dad damn near every day with NO mask .. So guess what he brought home ? Yes , the sickness I wrote of in my last post happened because KAISER ROSEVILLE does not follow decent proceedure . Thank god most of us had our Flu shots this season and him and the baby didn't get it NEARLY as bad as grandpa ..
So if you would .. Please keep Mr. Westbrook in your families prayers .. We definitely need it , because we got an urgent call from his wife saying that his kids needed to come and see him immediately .. And If you get sick DONT GO TO KAISER !!

Senior In Need !

Okay so, I don't want to be ranty or whiney, I don't want to come off entitled or give you some sob story.. But I do need help.
As any one who reads my blogs knows, I lost my home around halloween time, I had spent from August, til then looking for work to try and avoid losing my home , but I guess it just wasn't meant to be... I packed my things after the landlord asked us to leave, and I moved in with my boyfriends family . I am thankful that they had space for me and were willing to take me on , although I knew the transition would not be easy. School became harder , and making plans became harder because I used to just share a car with my mom , and now I didn't have a car I could drive and both of his parents work . Recently , as some in our household became sick , transportation has gotten increasingly more difficult , and I am unsure of when things will change ..
As some of you also know , I have a psychotic and almost inbearable couple of family members on the paternal side .. My great grandmother was sweet enough to put away $100 savings bonds for each of us kids.. but because my cousins' parents spent their kids' money or let the kids spend it prior to being 18 , my grandmother began not to trust the adults in the family and rather than putting my bonds in a bank , she kept them in her dresser and told me she would personally hand them to me the day I turned 18 .. Unfortunately my amazing GG past away June of 2012 .. RIP . My grandmother and I, the father's day following her mother's death, got into an insane arguement over facebook in which she tried to imply that I was a terrible kid for not posting about my dad that day (even though he didnt get on FB) and that my mom was a "lying crazy person" and a "prostitute".. When I proceeded to tell her that I was going to take my mother and fathers word about their relationship over hers, she became fucking furious and went nuts on me.. So I discontinued contact .. Of coarse now , who would be left the house but her ... and I can't acquire my bonds ..
Sad part #2 .. My aunt has a nice used car of hers that her husband poored $6,000+ into , that she is willing to sell me for $1,000 flat .. And I can't get it . I know it's a lot to ask to suggest that strangers fund my life .. But I'm at the end of my rope here .. I busted my ass for months to get a job .. Applied every where I could either walk to of take RT to , but no one responded , I showed up to a lot of places and still nothing , If you look on my facebook account and portfolio page , you will see that I have been actively trying to get hair clients to make money , and I have been posting tons of pictures , and I haven't recieved any clients ..
I got my license in June , and I feel like I could be so much more helpful and useful to this household if I was mobile ..
It's hard enough being separated from my mom , trying to finish high school , and trying to find a job , while trying to plan my life after graduation , making plans for college and my career .. I need just need one glimmer of hope .. Please , even if you can't donate , share it every where you can ? To try and spread the word .. It would be insanely and greatly appreciated <33

(if you are going to donate , my mom and I have an account on GoFundMe.com) ..http://www.gofundme.com/50sotw