My whole life has been a series of problems and hardship . I can't remember the last time I was able to just sit back and be a kid , ignore all the grown up bull shit . I have always been the type to want to help and be involved , but was always told that I am a just a child so I don't know enough to be useful . So I got to sit back , and have not just a front row seat , but a leading role in the destruction of my own life , while being told that I don't know anything , or that I shouldn't even have the information that I have . Years and years and years this was my life . Now , here I am .. 7 months and 9 days from being a grown woman , and my life is already fallen apart . Due to decisions that I didn't make , that I didn't get a say in or even an opinion on , and now I am stuck , with no way out really .. That's where my title comes from . Yes I know it's supposed to be "standing in place" and "running in circles" but I think the backwards version fits me better . Because not only am I stuck in a cycle , but everything I am doing , being told , or being told to do , makes no god damned sense . I know every one says that you have power over your own life .. Mmm , under 18 with nothing yet going for you , you really don't . When I was 16 I got my first job . I was so excited , until my manager wouldn't take the time to train me , one of my co-workers was trying to train me , do her job , AND my managers job at the same time , and no body else pitched in to help her , they all did their own thing and clocked out . I couldn't handle the stress of being yelled at for not knowing how to do a job no one taught me .. so I quit . I was young , naive , I have always been super sensitive , and I was just as mad at myself for not doing it right as my boss was .. But now it's just a hindrance , cause I can't use it as a reference cause he thinks I'm an idiot , and w/o some sort of job experiance , no one wants to hire me ..
I was steady job searching from mid Aug , until about 2 weeks ago . Every day or so I applied some where else , all the applications that timed out I re did .. I made it a point to talk to the managers face to face , to call w/in 2 weeks of submitting an app .. I did everything they say you are supposed to do to show employers that you're serious and committed and still .. NOTHING .. So tell me how I am supposed to get myself out of a rut that I didn't dig , tried to climb out of , and have no dirt to refill it with ?
Why can't adult accept that they aren't always right ? They don't know best at least 30% of the time , and just because my age doesn't have a 1 and an 8 in it , doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about ?
It's not fair that parents can so easily ruin their kids' life , and they can't do shit about it . Your kids after about age 15/16 , DESERVE the right to make some if not most of their own decisions cause bottom line , you don't have to live with our fuck ups , but we might have to live forever with yours .
