I am already sick of the holidays ... I'm sick of seeing it , I'm sick of hearing about it , and most of all I'm sick of being involved in them ... All I hear is Christmas songs and commercials , Facebook posts , even the decorations and the black Friday sales .. SHUT UP !
I have never been a fan of holidays honestly .. You spend entirely too much money on candy for halloween , more food than you can actually eat for thanks giving , and then you throw yourself into insane crowds of people on black Friday so you can spend money you don't have on presents that your kids dont need because "tis the season" right ..?
The whole concept is fucking annoying . Having to sit around and pretend to like people you only see like 4 times a year , just because of the fucking calendar month .. So obnoxious .... It's not worth the time , energy , or money that everybody wastes on these fucking days .. they are JUST days on the calendar ..
Like the DAY after Turkey day ... we start X-MAS decorations .... Fucking forreal ..?
It's not even Dec yet and I have Christmas carols stuck in my head ... Not to mention ... It's called CHRIST-mas ... Jesus wasn't born anywhere near winter ignorant fuck tards xP
Read your bible , do some history , and TURN OFF THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC !
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
STUPID STUPID STUPID
(Explicit warning : I am ranting and thus , my language will probably stray from decent .. If you don't like it kindly GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG...)
The amount of stupidity I have been around and witnessed lately is just unreal ! I can't even comprehend the amount of stupid that tends to run through the veins of humanity .. Honestly . Got people over here who are wasting their money to the point that they are broke , then turn around and buy expensive and unnecessary shit with credit .. Great so you're going to be broke AND have bad credit .. Forgive me as I laugh when you fall on your ass ! Some might ask why I would be so cruel after being in a situation in which being broke and have fucked credit occurred . Why ? Because it only happened cause I had no control ! I would have never been so irresponsible and stupid with my money , and even if I was I would not , then , go and buy a bunch of shit on credit and fuck myself even more . So congratulations .. at the rate you're going you're kid will be pissed at you and homeless living with extended family or significant others struggling to finish high school .. Moving on .
More stupidity , parents who don't help out their kids .. Yes , my biological father and I have issues . I am , and always will be pissed at him . He is a fucked up individual for many reasons that would take probably 300 blog posts to explain .. Never the less , he has this insatiable need to be right all of the time . He is condescending and flat ass bad in the "dad" department . For example , I decided I was done dealing with his bs when he told me straight to my face that between me and my former step mother we "ruined his life" . I was DONE at this point . When you have gotten so low as to blame your child and the woman YOU wanted to marry and YOU put all your time and money into for your life being fucked up ... No .. just no .
Any how , I had asked him to do a simple favor for me .. Just ONE fucking thing , considering he has done almost nothing for me in the 12 years he has known me . And he wont do it .. Not that he can't he just doesn't want to .. Why ? Because I've been "ignoring" him for a year . NEWSFLASH: when someone says their done with you , that means done , over finished , fuck off . Not to mention he made NO effort what so ever , until my birthday , to speak to me either . He sent me a text on my birthday after almost a year of not speaking and I'm supposed to be excited ? No .. Fuck you dude . I will do it ALL myself just like I've always had to cause you're a good for nothing , dead beat , piece of shit excuse for a father .. I only hope that my baby brother doesn't have to learn that the hard way like me..
Moral of the story , if you leave your kids in the cold , they will leave your ass to die alone . No one can handle stupid forever .. Every one has a BS level that can't be passed .
DON'T be stupid w/ your finances , and DON'T be a piece of shit parent . Fuck .
The amount of stupidity I have been around and witnessed lately is just unreal ! I can't even comprehend the amount of stupid that tends to run through the veins of humanity .. Honestly . Got people over here who are wasting their money to the point that they are broke , then turn around and buy expensive and unnecessary shit with credit .. Great so you're going to be broke AND have bad credit .. Forgive me as I laugh when you fall on your ass ! Some might ask why I would be so cruel after being in a situation in which being broke and have fucked credit occurred . Why ? Because it only happened cause I had no control ! I would have never been so irresponsible and stupid with my money , and even if I was I would not , then , go and buy a bunch of shit on credit and fuck myself even more . So congratulations .. at the rate you're going you're kid will be pissed at you and homeless living with extended family or significant others struggling to finish high school .. Moving on .
More stupidity , parents who don't help out their kids .. Yes , my biological father and I have issues . I am , and always will be pissed at him . He is a fucked up individual for many reasons that would take probably 300 blog posts to explain .. Never the less , he has this insatiable need to be right all of the time . He is condescending and flat ass bad in the "dad" department . For example , I decided I was done dealing with his bs when he told me straight to my face that between me and my former step mother we "ruined his life" . I was DONE at this point . When you have gotten so low as to blame your child and the woman YOU wanted to marry and YOU put all your time and money into for your life being fucked up ... No .. just no .
Any how , I had asked him to do a simple favor for me .. Just ONE fucking thing , considering he has done almost nothing for me in the 12 years he has known me . And he wont do it .. Not that he can't he just doesn't want to .. Why ? Because I've been "ignoring" him for a year . NEWSFLASH: when someone says their done with you , that means done , over finished , fuck off . Not to mention he made NO effort what so ever , until my birthday , to speak to me either . He sent me a text on my birthday after almost a year of not speaking and I'm supposed to be excited ? No .. Fuck you dude . I will do it ALL myself just like I've always had to cause you're a good for nothing , dead beat , piece of shit excuse for a father .. I only hope that my baby brother doesn't have to learn that the hard way like me..
Moral of the story , if you leave your kids in the cold , they will leave your ass to die alone . No one can handle stupid forever .. Every one has a BS level that can't be passed .
DON'T be stupid w/ your finances , and DON'T be a piece of shit parent . Fuck .
Friday, November 22, 2013
Starting over... All over again
Recent weeks have been hard and stressful . I had to move on the shortest notice , I lost half my things, some are in storage , only my clothes and important papers are here . I am stable and I am happy , but I am an emotional wreck . I have mixed emotions and feelings about almost everything right meow .. Yes , I just said right meow ... deal with it !
Any how , I am now living with my boyfriend in his parents' house with his 3 sisters . I love his family more than anything , they have been there for me through a hell of a lot ..
I can't lie , I miss my house , my space , my kitties , and even (at moments) miss my mom .. I don't know . I know it was coming , but it was just delayed for so damn long , that some how I convinced myself it would never happen , wow was I wrong !
I had to move my whole life before school started the next week /:
Then the day after I get sick and stayed sick for two days , that was not a helping factor .. I was , and still kind of am , moody .. I just , yeah .. I know this is probably the LEAST organized post I've written , but that's because normally I have a plan , an outline , or at least know prior to writing almost every word I will write , this ..? This is just straight thoughts , exactly what I felt or am feeling , I'm putting into words .
As if high school isn't hard enough , not to mention stressful , I had to add moving to it ..
The sad thing was , about a week before halloween every one was posting 'then&now' pics of their halloween costumes from Freshman to Senior year .. I racked my brain for a good hour trying to figure out why I couldn't remember what I was that year .. Why ? Because I spent halloween night moving from Rocklin to a motel 6 in North Highlands .. WITH NO CAR !
Welp , my first and last year of HS on halloween night are the same thing .. I was dressed as a stressed out teen who doesn't know what to do or where to put my stuff at .
I know this sounds kinda ranty and sort of like I am just bitching , but you know .. I am only writing so the thought is out some wheres .. and I feel that going through the shit life that I have will help me help other people . People will always tell you "I understand" "I get it" but some things ... If you haven't LIVED it .. you don't know shit about how that person feels . Being a homeless teen , especially more than once ... that's one of those things .
So , if anyone has dealt with any of the things that I just listed , feel free to talk to me , cause I've lived it ..<3
Any how , I am now living with my boyfriend in his parents' house with his 3 sisters . I love his family more than anything , they have been there for me through a hell of a lot ..
I can't lie , I miss my house , my space , my kitties , and even (at moments) miss my mom .. I don't know . I know it was coming , but it was just delayed for so damn long , that some how I convinced myself it would never happen , wow was I wrong !
I had to move my whole life before school started the next week /:
Then the day after I get sick and stayed sick for two days , that was not a helping factor .. I was , and still kind of am , moody .. I just , yeah .. I know this is probably the LEAST organized post I've written , but that's because normally I have a plan , an outline , or at least know prior to writing almost every word I will write , this ..? This is just straight thoughts , exactly what I felt or am feeling , I'm putting into words .
As if high school isn't hard enough , not to mention stressful , I had to add moving to it ..
The sad thing was , about a week before halloween every one was posting 'then&now' pics of their halloween costumes from Freshman to Senior year .. I racked my brain for a good hour trying to figure out why I couldn't remember what I was that year .. Why ? Because I spent halloween night moving from Rocklin to a motel 6 in North Highlands .. WITH NO CAR !
Welp , my first and last year of HS on halloween night are the same thing .. I was dressed as a stressed out teen who doesn't know what to do or where to put my stuff at .
I know this sounds kinda ranty and sort of like I am just bitching , but you know .. I am only writing so the thought is out some wheres .. and I feel that going through the shit life that I have will help me help other people . People will always tell you "I understand" "I get it" but some things ... If you haven't LIVED it .. you don't know shit about how that person feels . Being a homeless teen , especially more than once ... that's one of those things .
So , if anyone has dealt with any of the things that I just listed , feel free to talk to me , cause I've lived it ..<3
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
What did you have to do ..?
What do you have to do so wrong to a person that they decide it is okay to bomb your apartment ..?!
Well , the sad thing is that some times you have done nothing and you are just the victim of insanity and human stupidity . Tonight while I was on the phone with my boyfriend , I heard a loud explosion .. At first sound I thought it was a bomb , be me being the semi-positive person I am , I figured it was just some moron lighting off fireworks . I heard the crackle afterwards like you would at Cal-Expo on the 4th of July . Well , my hunch was right .
A few minutes later I heard my neighbors mentioning something about a fire . Again , me not thinking and not putting 2&2 together I figured maybe they were cooking and caught the stove on fire . I again , was wrong . Suddenly I hear siren after siren , and I go out on the balcony attached to my room and there are lights every where and the air is FILLED with white smoke . They blocked off the entire left side of my street and set up road blocks for anyone passing through . The officers proceed to tell us to go into our homes , that there is a suspected arsonist on the loose and the K9's need to track the scent . Not long after , helicopters are circling my house , and more and more cops and firefighters are showing up . No more than 10 minutes after the fire stops burning , it's on channel 13 news . Evidently the suspect threw fire bombs through my neighbors' windows , intending to either blow just them up or the entire complex .. the worst part .. it was only two rows down the parking lot from my home .
I panicked and called my boyfriends mother to come get me . Although I was skeptical about leaving my mom and kitties behind , I figured that now that the suspect knows their wanted , their little bombing escapades are up for the night . Not to mention , all of our family is minimum 8 hours away , so it could be weeks before her family is notified that we are dead , especially if we are blown up .
I truly hope that the family that owns that condo was not in their home when this occurred because this is unfair and cruel . And clearly too thought out yet some how not thought out enough . Why do people do this to one another . I mean , even a shooting , at least you have the balls to look them in the face , but to bomb their house/family and run ? That is beyond fucked up ..
Who ever you are .. I hope you are happy ! You've successfully devastated a household and terrified our neighborhood.. As I am writing this there are still helicopters looking for the person(s) responsible for this tragedy ..
My hope in humanity , officially diminished ...
Well , the sad thing is that some times you have done nothing and you are just the victim of insanity and human stupidity . Tonight while I was on the phone with my boyfriend , I heard a loud explosion .. At first sound I thought it was a bomb , be me being the semi-positive person I am , I figured it was just some moron lighting off fireworks . I heard the crackle afterwards like you would at Cal-Expo on the 4th of July . Well , my hunch was right .
A few minutes later I heard my neighbors mentioning something about a fire . Again , me not thinking and not putting 2&2 together I figured maybe they were cooking and caught the stove on fire . I again , was wrong . Suddenly I hear siren after siren , and I go out on the balcony attached to my room and there are lights every where and the air is FILLED with white smoke . They blocked off the entire left side of my street and set up road blocks for anyone passing through . The officers proceed to tell us to go into our homes , that there is a suspected arsonist on the loose and the K9's need to track the scent . Not long after , helicopters are circling my house , and more and more cops and firefighters are showing up . No more than 10 minutes after the fire stops burning , it's on channel 13 news . Evidently the suspect threw fire bombs through my neighbors' windows , intending to either blow just them up or the entire complex .. the worst part .. it was only two rows down the parking lot from my home .
I panicked and called my boyfriends mother to come get me . Although I was skeptical about leaving my mom and kitties behind , I figured that now that the suspect knows their wanted , their little bombing escapades are up for the night . Not to mention , all of our family is minimum 8 hours away , so it could be weeks before her family is notified that we are dead , especially if we are blown up .
I truly hope that the family that owns that condo was not in their home when this occurred because this is unfair and cruel . And clearly too thought out yet some how not thought out enough . Why do people do this to one another . I mean , even a shooting , at least you have the balls to look them in the face , but to bomb their house/family and run ? That is beyond fucked up ..
Who ever you are .. I hope you are happy ! You've successfully devastated a household and terrified our neighborhood.. As I am writing this there are still helicopters looking for the person(s) responsible for this tragedy ..
My hope in humanity , officially diminished ...
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
See you again ..
Having people close to you is amazing feeling .. It makes you feel like you are never alone . Until what is closest to you is ripped away . My best friend and I have had an amazing relationship , very hard and lots of fights , but we always stay best friends , I couldn't live with out her .
Her family has been more family to me over the years than my own family has been in my entire lifetime .. It's still like that /:
We found out last month .. her little sister was being taken from us ... When was the last time that CPS did something helpful ..? I have never seen it .. I've had a few experiences with them .. They usually ignore important cases and rip apart families that could have solved small problems on their own .
My best friend and I love to sing . We have been performing at an amazing little coffee shop , Extreme Java Jungle Cafe , but this last performance .. We had to call off ... Her sister was always the one to cheer loudest , always clapped the longest .. Even recoded us so we could put our name out there .. It didn't feel right with out her there .
Luckily we had an amazing guy to work with , the store owner .. He was so understanding of our family situation and told us we are more than welcome to come back as soon as we are ready . Thank you Ralph , you've been great !
The day Sydni left , I had seen her that morning .. I hugged her as she cried , wiped away a few of her tears , and told her I loved her , not knowing when was the next time I would see her or even hear from her . As our dad dropped me off at home , i said good bye to him and the girls , stared right into her eyes , and turned away before they watered .. No sooner than I got to my door they were gone ..
I titled this post 'see you again' because i finally found a song that with in the first verse explains that day perfectly .. The song is by Carrie Underwood ..
'Said goodbye , turned around , and you were gone , gone , gone , faded into the setting sun .. Slipped away'. I cried the first day I heard this song cause it not only mimics the last day i saw sissy , but the last night i saw my grandfather before he passed ..
I hope that anyone who is missing some one right now , can read this and take comfort in the fact that we are all missing someone . If they left .. They will be back , and they died , you will be with them soon .. Timing is everything in this life . And even when it seems like the worst possible timing , for what ever reason , it is.probably perfect .
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