My life story .. and you wonder why Im so messed up .. Part three

This post might hit the feels a little bit ..

So , after the Erika thing went south , I had to move in with my dad and his wife and kids . I had been avoiding going over there as much as possible because of the things that went on over there , but after we moved into the area , my mother started forcing me to go over there more . Since she was blind sighted by the move , she had no where to go , and thus no where to put me .. So I lived with him for months w/o a break .. I shared a room with the younger two kids at first , then with one of my older sisters . Life there was less than ideal . The babies always got what ever they could whine their way into , and the two mid-oldest were the rebel kids . One was always in trouble and the other was so bad , they didn't even bother to punish her cause she didn't give a fuck what they said any ways . My oldest sister was left with the responsibility of raising us at least 80% of the time , cause our parents .. Well , they weren't ever there , but that wasn't new or shocking .. It was like that pretty much from the time they first got together . I remember a lot of weekends where I saw a whole lot of my sister running the house and not a whole lot of the adults at all . After a while , I stopped giving my sister such a hard time and started helping her take on the responsibility cause , no teen should have to do that alone .. not with 5 kids . But , when she turned 18 , she dipped . She couldn't handle the pressure they were putting on her , and honestly I can't blame her . There's a reason I didn't ever go over there .. that was one of the big ones .
Another big reason I stopped going over there .. I started to feel like some of the way that my father interacted with us kids , especially us girls , was just flat out inappropriate .. He was constantly tickling us , grabbing us , popping our bra straps , etc . It started with little things like that , things that wouldn't even normally cross your radar .. But then it started to get , different . Every morning he would want each one of us kids to INDIVIDUALLY go into his room in the morning and say hi to him once he woke up . Mind you , he slept naked , and all that was between us was a thin sheet . He would make us lay down and cuddle with him , talk to him . He would start messing with us and tickling us which we were uncomfortable with , but he told us we were over reacting and that it wasn't optional . Every week it seemed to get a little worse . He started commenting on how we'd "grown" and he was in no way referring to our height .. He would force us to sit on his lap , and kiss him on the lips . (against my will I might add cause I never grew up w/ kissing being a greeting so I thought it was weird as fuck , especially with him)
I remember one day , he wanted to talk to me ... In his room .. I have no idea why considering the house was empty as I can remember . He laid down and told me to lay with him . I told him no , and he looked at me mean . He repeated himself . I told him that I didn't really feel like laying down and I sat on the end of his bed . He pulled me up to the pillows forcing me to lay down with him . He then tried to cover me with his blankets , I told him no that it was too hot , he ignored me . I would periodically try to throw the blankets off me and he would force them back on me . He started to doze off mid-convo and I decided that this was my only chance to get away from him .. So I waited for him to fully fall asleep , while I was sweating buckets under his thick ass blanket , and I snuck out as quietly as I could .. I was paralyzed . I couldn't believe that I just had to escape from my dad's bedroom like a scared victim from their potential murderer . I felt betrayed , like I couldn't trust him , and I stayed scared from then on . Things like this kept happening over and over , but I just kept telling myself that it was all in my head .. Finally , I grew some balls and asked my sisters about it .. They told me that not only had they experienced this abuse , but extended female family and friends had as well .. I wont share their stories , cause they aren't mine to tell but .. I assure you , they don't get any better or easier to hear . To this day , I am more hurt than any thing .. In life you should , if no one else , be able to trust your two biological parents .. And yet one was inappropriately invading my personal space . I asked my step mom if she would talk to him for me , but to my knowledge , she never even tried .. So I got fed up and sat him down . I told him that I , along with others , were done being sexually assaulted by him , that he needed to keep his hands to him self , no more kissing on the mouth , no more grabbing of body parts , no more sitting on his lap and being in the room while hes naked under a thin sheet . I laid out for him my ground rules and told him I would ruin him if he didn't change .
In the most oblivious and deniable way he told me that he was a grown man , I had no right to tell him what to do , there was nothing wrong with his actions , and I had no witnesses to back me up ..

What did you have to do ..?

What do you have to do so wrong to a person that they decide it is okay to bomb your apartment ..?!
Well , the sad thing is that some times you have done nothing and you are just the victim of insanity and human stupidity . Tonight while I was on the phone with my boyfriend , I heard a loud explosion .. At first sound I thought it was a bomb , be me being the semi-positive person I am , I figured it was just some moron lighting off fireworks . I heard the crackle afterwards like you would at Cal-Expo on the 4th of July . Well , my hunch was right .
A few minutes later I heard my neighbors mentioning something about a fire . Again , me not thinking and not putting 2&2 together I figured maybe they were cooking and caught the stove on fire . I again , was wrong . Suddenly I hear siren after siren , and I go out on the balcony attached to my room and there are lights every where and the air is FILLED with white smoke . They blocked off the entire left side of my street and set up road blocks for anyone passing through . The officers proceed to tell us to go into our homes , that there is a suspected arsonist on the loose and the K9's need to track the scent . Not long after , helicopters are circling my house , and more and more cops and firefighters are showing up . No more than 10 minutes after the fire stops burning , it's on channel 13 news . Evidently the suspect threw fire bombs through my neighbors' windows , intending to either blow just them up or the entire complex .. the worst part .. it was only two rows down the parking lot from my home .
I panicked and called my boyfriends mother to come get me . Although I was skeptical about leaving my mom and kitties behind , I figured that now that the suspect knows their wanted , their little bombing escapades are up for the night . Not to mention , all of our family is minimum 8 hours away , so it could be weeks before her family is notified that we are dead , especially if we are blown up .
I truly hope that the family that owns that condo was not in their home when this occurred because this is unfair and cruel . And clearly too thought out yet some how not thought out enough . Why do people do this to one another . I mean , even a shooting , at least you have the balls to look them in the face , but to bomb their house/family and run ? That is beyond fucked up ..
Who ever you are .. I hope you are happy ! You've successfully devastated a household and terrified our neighborhood.. As I am writing this there are still helicopters looking for the person(s) responsible for this tragedy ..
My hope in humanity , officially diminished ...

Have you ever ..

Have you ever been scared out of your mind , for something that has nothing to do with you ?
Something that couldn't have LESS to do with you ..
Well , I have ... ermm ... am . I found out Saturday my sister had to get surgery .. She has an infection and an impassable kidney stone .. So they had to put a stick into her tubes to allow the liquid to still pass , and once the infection is gone she has to get surgery to have the stone broken up so it can pass ..
The hospital is calling this 'minor surgery' .. Now of coarse , compared to something like open heart surgery .. yeah , pretty minor .. But they don't know my sister and her history .. My sister has had more surgeries in her life than a woman of only 22 should have had to endure , and they started when she was 7 .. She was in a terrible house fire , burned from head to toe . She had to have surgery , skin graphs , and a blood transfusion . Since then he has also had surgery to remove some of the skin on her pinkie finger , cause they over graphed it .. and she has had a cesarean section for both of her beautiful daughters . However , the first C-section ... was not by choice .. She got toxiemia 5 weeks before the babies due date and had to have an emergency C-sectionv, for the well being of her and her daughter . This surgery left the baby in the NICU , and my sister needing a blood transfusion .. again . I am not very religious .. but i prayed every day she would be okay ..
My sister is strong , opionionated , fiesty , happy , couragious , and crazy .. but will power , it just can't fight against medical statistics .. This surgery has me scared shittless , I wish I could walk with her every step of the way ..
Ashley has always been my best friend , and I know she'll make it through cause she always does .. I just wish we could skip over it actually happening , for her sake more than anything .. I can tell she is scared and in pain even though she keeps a straight face .. I know my sister . A small part of her is saying 'Common , this aint your first rodeo !' And every other part is screaming 'What will happen to your girls?' 'How will my husband take it?' 'Is this going to hurt?' 'I know this aint my first rodeo .. but could it be my last..?'

Well Ashley , I'm here to tell you that this is not your last rodeo sister ! We are all here for you every step of the way , and we love you to pieces .
And for the record if anything happens to you over the course of the girl's life time , I have no problem being super auntie and helping out , after all having Nessa here that week was soo much fun ! (:
I love you sissy , you're strong and amazing .. You can do this .
-Nelle♥