Part 4 ...

I couldn't believe that one man could be so ignorant , that he wouldn't realize his actions . Or even worse , so evil that he noticed them and simply didn't care . See , now in retrospect I can see more signs that I was wise enough to gather back then . See , at a young age , my sisters showed an interest in smoking cigarettes and one particularly liked alcohol .. He would give them these things which made them happy , but he did it behind their mothers' back . I never noticed this before .. But it was a classic scenario of you do for me , I do for you . He manipulated their silence , probably w/o them even noticing ..
I had tried all I could .. but I figured .. maybe he's right . I'm just a stupid kid , who's gonna believe me anyways ? I had no idea how powerful the words of a small girl to the right person could be . In June of 2009 , we moved from North Highlands to Rio Linda . Beautiful two-story house , great yard , kitchen , some of the rooms were painted crazy colors ! It was great . But nothing about our family changed .. Just the scenery . By this time I was on a month-2-month basis w/ my parents .. July was mom's month . My mom came to pick me up that first week of July , and my baby sister is sitting on the stairs just balling her eyes out . She keeps taking my stuff back upstairs , telling me not to leave her .. I sat down next to her and told her I would be back next month and not to cry . She looked me dead in my eyes and said , "No you wont . You'll never step foot in this house again." I scoffed and left thinking she was being over dramatic .. But that girls got a gift ..
A few weeks later , CPS called my mother saying that my father was under investigation for the violation of about 5-20 different young girls and not to let me go over there . She set up a day to come to my home and talk to me . She asked me what things were like in that house , how we all got along , whether or not he had ever touched or hurt me .. I couldn't lie , it was my chance to finally bust his ass for mentally and physically scarring us kids .. I told the lady every thing I knew and could remember . All I wanted was to be with my sisters . I remember asking the lady , "just tell me one thing .. Did he touch the baby girl ?" .. She looked at me with a sad puppy look and said , every one I've talked to had a story .. I ran to my room and balled , and I honestly don't know what was said between her and my mom .. I remember the lady offering me counseling .. God , do I wish I had taken it back then ..
I waited to hear the news my father had been arrested , I even had to go to this building and give an official statement to a person in a suit with other people and my mom behind a 2-way mirror .. I thought for sure he was going down .. Nope. He was let off the hook completely because the one person who could put him behind bars refused to get up on the stand . Can you blame her ? I mean .. We all just wanted this to be over and justice served .. She confessed to me one night that she didn't do it because she thought that my little brother and I would hate her .. And I wanted her to know from the bottom of my heart that I love her to death , and that prick bastard will never , EVER mean more to me than she does <3
To this day I hope that man rots in hell and a cell .. He may be my father but he will never be my dad . I trusted him .. I loved him , and even after all that I still risked my every thing to help him , and time after time he has hurt and betrayed me , and I just can't keep forgiving him . I will never forgive him for what he did to me and my sisters ... Ever . It's an unforgivable sin .. You wanna know what the worst part is ..? To this day he stand by his decisions and truly believes that he did nothing wrong  .. How could one man be so stupid .?

Have you ever ..

Have you ever been scared out of your mind , for something that has nothing to do with you ?
Something that couldn't have LESS to do with you ..
Well , I have ... ermm ... am . I found out Saturday my sister had to get surgery .. She has an infection and an impassable kidney stone .. So they had to put a stick into her tubes to allow the liquid to still pass , and once the infection is gone she has to get surgery to have the stone broken up so it can pass ..
The hospital is calling this 'minor surgery' .. Now of coarse , compared to something like open heart surgery .. yeah , pretty minor .. But they don't know my sister and her history .. My sister has had more surgeries in her life than a woman of only 22 should have had to endure , and they started when she was 7 .. She was in a terrible house fire , burned from head to toe . She had to have surgery , skin graphs , and a blood transfusion . Since then he has also had surgery to remove some of the skin on her pinkie finger , cause they over graphed it .. and she has had a cesarean section for both of her beautiful daughters . However , the first C-section ... was not by choice .. She got toxiemia 5 weeks before the babies due date and had to have an emergency C-sectionv, for the well being of her and her daughter . This surgery left the baby in the NICU , and my sister needing a blood transfusion .. again . I am not very religious .. but i prayed every day she would be okay ..
My sister is strong , opionionated , fiesty , happy , couragious , and crazy .. but will power , it just can't fight against medical statistics .. This surgery has me scared shittless , I wish I could walk with her every step of the way ..
Ashley has always been my best friend , and I know she'll make it through cause she always does .. I just wish we could skip over it actually happening , for her sake more than anything .. I can tell she is scared and in pain even though she keeps a straight face .. I know my sister . A small part of her is saying 'Common , this aint your first rodeo !' And every other part is screaming 'What will happen to your girls?' 'How will my husband take it?' 'Is this going to hurt?' 'I know this aint my first rodeo .. but could it be my last..?'

Well Ashley , I'm here to tell you that this is not your last rodeo sister ! We are all here for you every step of the way , and we love you to pieces .
And for the record if anything happens to you over the course of the girl's life time , I have no problem being super auntie and helping out , after all having Nessa here that week was soo much fun ! (:
I love you sissy , you're strong and amazing .. You can do this .
-Nelle♥