Starting over... All over again

Recent weeks have been hard and stressful . I had to move on the shortest notice , I lost half my things, some are in storage , only my clothes and important papers are here . I am stable and I am happy , but I am an emotional wreck . I have mixed emotions and feelings about almost everything right meow .. Yes , I just said right meow ... deal with it !
Any how , I am now living with my boyfriend in his parents' house with his 3 sisters . I love his family more than anything , they have been there for me through a hell of a lot ..
I can't lie , I miss my house , my space , my kitties , and even (at moments) miss my mom .. I don't know . I know it was coming , but it was just delayed for so damn long , that some how I convinced myself it would never happen , wow was I wrong !
I had to move my whole life before school started the next week /:
Then the day after I get sick and stayed sick for two days , that was not a helping factor .. I was , and still kind of am , moody .. I just , yeah .. I know this is probably the LEAST organized post I've written , but that's because normally I have a plan , an outline , or at least know prior to writing almost every word I will write , this ..? This is just straight thoughts , exactly what I felt or am feeling , I'm putting into words .
As if high school isn't hard enough , not to mention stressful , I had to add moving to it ..
The sad thing was , about a week before halloween every one was posting 'then&now' pics of their halloween costumes from Freshman to Senior year .. I racked my brain for a good hour trying to figure out why I couldn't remember what I was that year .. Why ?  Because I spent halloween night moving from Rocklin to a motel 6 in North Highlands .. WITH NO CAR !
Welp , my first and last year of HS on halloween night are the same thing .. I was dressed as a stressed out teen who doesn't know what to do or where to put my stuff at .
I know this sounds kinda ranty and sort of like I am just bitching , but you know .. I am only writing so the thought is out some wheres .. and I feel that going through the shit life that I have will help me help other people . People will always tell you "I understand" "I get it" but some things ... If you haven't LIVED it .. you don't know shit about how that person feels . Being a homeless teen , especially more than once ... that's one of those things .
So , if anyone has dealt with any of the things that I just listed , feel free to talk to me , cause I've lived it ..<3

Family , in the blood or the heart ? (Part 1)

    I wonder how people think about things , I always wonder what life is like from another person's perspective . It's physically impossible to ever get the chance to explore that idea , and simply asking isn't going to give you a perfect scenario of what they think , how they feel , how life affects them .
For the most part it is easy to tell when a person is sad or upset , but to really understand how they FEEL , it's damn near impossible ..
    That being said , I wonder how people feel about 'Family' . I only put quotes around it because some people feel very strongly that if you aren't blood , you aren't family . Other people normally accept others if they've been legally married into the family , but not a second before . I ; however , will adopt any one who has my time , devotion , and heart , and can prove to me that they love me and care about me for who I am as a person . Some one who I can cry to and rely on , someone who puts as much time and effort into the relationship as I do .
    I have 2 (possibly 3) biological half brothers .. Two of which I have never met . I NEVER say ; however , that I only have 2 siblings I say I have 6 . I am the middle of seven kids for about 9 years now . Although my step siblings are no longer legally bound to me , they tugged on my heart strings from day one , and my heart tied them to me . They have given me a wonderful step mother and 3 gorgeous nieces that I love and cherish like no other . They are truly amazing people , slightly crazy and dramatic , but they all have great hearts ♥
   I have also noticed they adopt close friends and married relatives into their lives as well .. Examples are , my eldest sisters boyfriend , my moms friends Matt and Mardelle and their girls . We are kinda crazy and really dysfunctional but we always have each others backs .

   My oldest sister , Nicci , she was a burn victim at age 7 . I admire her to
this day for her confidence and perseverance in life . She has two beautiful daughters that I love with all my heart , and she is a California girl with a down south attitude .

After her is my sister Noni . She is loud , bold , NEVER out spoken by anyone , proud , beautiful , and short .. very short Cx She gave me a gorgeous niece also who is just the cutest (loudest) little angel ever . She is very protective and loving and loves companionship .


My big bubba , Ty . He is soo colorful .. Sportin' the rainbow bitchezzz ;) He is other sister born with a penis . He is crazy , loud , fun , passionate , and well .. Gay , in both senses . He is quite a character , but he knows that in our family no one is gonna fuck with him , cause of who he fucks that don't fly .
My baby sister , Mimi , my star athlete ! This little girl , impossible to sleep next to ! But crazy not to love . She is a ball of fun , unless she is grumpy then ya know , keep your distance lol . She is my little piece of heaven , she is always so fun and active , with a loving heart . She brightens my day , no matter what mood I'm in .

And last but not least .. the baby , Kel .. The ring leader of the 'Pain in the ass crew' . This little man has brought me so many laughs over the years , he truly is the best baby brother .... Never mind the fact he stole my dimples and dad's tall genes -___-
We recently discovered he has autism , which is what has been making it hard to handle him for many years , but we finally understand that with him certain things have to be handled differently than other . Noni and I plan on soon getting Autism awareness puzzle pieces to show our love and support for our little man .

I gained so many amazing family members from a terrible experience .. I could not trade a single one of them for the world . They keep me together .
Mom , Grandma , Papa , Aunts , Uncles , Cousins .. They all warm my heart and accept me as their own .. what more could an adopted kid hope for ? (:
-Nelle♥

Relationships

What do you classify as a real relationship ? I can guarantee that half of the things that people would settle for are NOT real relationships , they are disgraceful to those of us who know what they want and how to give and demand respect in a relationship . In this same way , a lot of people don't understand there is a difference between 'dating' and being in a 'relationship' . Just because you hold hands , you text all day , you make out , go to the mall together , hell .. you can even be fucking .. If there's no title there's NO RELATIONSHIP . There's no such thing as , 'oh a title doesn't make or break us' bitch please . A title is the difference between their YOURS and you haven't claimed it , so it's any bodies game . This happens to females more than males , only because males recognize when their own game is being spit at them . Women get to swept up in sweet texts and emotions to see the bigger picture . Not always mind you , I do have some male friends that are always the ones getting fucked over and some female friends who are the 'hit it and quit it' types , but those are rare .. just sayin' . If you wanna say you're in a real relationship , there has to be COMPLETE trust . No secrets , no lies , no back stabbing , nothing . They have to be able to trust you with their lives , their secrets , and their heart . Second biggest thing , communication . I know from recent events in my own relationship , that we are starting to lack communication , but we caught it quick and we know it's something we have to work on to maintain a strong and healthy relationship . Compassion is another big thing in a relationship . Everybody wants to feel important , appreciated , and listened to . Everyone does , and every one needs that , it helps us maintain a sense of self and it keeps us motivated . I don't believe in friends with benefits nor do I believe in taking 'breaks' . Saying 'we should take a break' is a smart persons way of saying "I'm leaving you but you can think we are getting back together some time in the near future" . Honestly , if your relationship cant handle the argument that brought about the 'break' , you should stay separated , cause if you can't over come the little things , your future is hopeless . Another thing that is unacceptable when it comes to relationships ... REVENGE .... Don't do it ! If your partner does something fucked up to you , let karma get them .. Karma's a BITCH .. believe me . Example , if you get cheated on .. you have 2 options , #1 , leave them .. tell them you don't tolerate cheating and that it's over and move on . Or #2 , get the fuck over it . Accept the fact that it happened , there's nothing you can do about it , ensure it will never happen again , and get over it . Retaliation is not an option , revenge is not an option , holding it against them for the duration of your relationship is not an option , and using the fact that it happened once as an excuse to leave them months or years after it happened .. well , you just look like an idiot . A relationship takes effort and agreement on both ends , compromise and love . If you feel like it's all on you or if your lover is telling you they need something from you , it would do you good to listen . Be that couple every one is striving to be like , that people are amazed to find out you're still together , the one who is just as happy in their own home , as they are out in public ... Be . Happy <3
Nelle ♥