My life story .. and you wonder I'm screwed up ... Part 2

I could go on for days about the bunches of places that we lived in or stayed in , but there were a few that were more extreme than others . Some situations that even the nicest or calmest person would blow their lid having to deal with.. Let's start with Linda .

Linda- She was a sweet old lady , recently widowed , had a nice 3 bedroom house and a small dog . After leaving my mom's friends house , we moved in with Linda .. this was February 1st , 07 . The room we rented was small , my mom and I shared both the room , and a twin sized mattress to sleep on . Upon moving in , I got very sick , with what I remember to be flu symptoms . Fever , chills , fatigue , I didn't move for days .
Two weeks after moving in she tells us that she wants her space back and we need to be out before the end of the month . THE SHORTEST CALENDAR MONTH OF THE YEAR .. But she told us she would pay back rent for every day we weren't there . So we packed up our shit and tried to find another home . We stumbled upon our next roommate .. from HELL ..

Cheryl- Cheryl was an older woman with a nice older house in Del Paso Heights . She had a mother and young daughter renting the 3rd bedroom from her already , but had the master bedroom available for rent . The location and situation were not ideal , but what do you expect from house hunting on SCL ? So we move in there , thankfully there was lots of room and closet space . A few weeks into living there we find out , the other mother daughter couple has scabies ! Yes I do mean the microscopic parasite that lives and burrows under your skin causing gross and painful rashes that are highly contagious .. Wonderful right ? It gets better .. I started my first ever school year at Hagginwood Elementary , but I didn't start til 2 months before school got out . When I got there it was like a bad mean-girls movie . The clicks had began already , even though high school hadn't .. and of coarse the one girl I liked there happened to be the outcast of the entire school . And what does the out casts best friend become ..? You guessed it .. So I got picked on , pushed around , picked last , and had rumors started about me . Karina was my only friend . Every day I would come home and Cheryl was screaming at me or my mother for something , and my mom never stood up to her , for fear that it would cost us our housing . Well , one day before Cheryl left on a vacation , I was standing in the kitchen listening to her scream at my mother about how "dirty" the kitchen was , even though I had just watched my mom clean it . My mom was giggling and humming to herself trying to ignore Cheryl which just pissed her off more .. I swear I saw her go to swing on my mom and my mouth just blurted "Don't put your hands on my mom you bitch!" She.. went .. NUTS ! She literally went around the kitchen touching everything and saying , "you can't use this , or touch this .." and finally she just banned me from the kitchen all together . (believe it or not that is not the worst of her , but I have better stories to come)

Erika- Struggling to find where to go next, my mom stumbled upon Erika on CL . She was a single mom with two young daughters , a 2 yr old and a 7 yr old . She said she had a car , but it was unreliable . My mom figured that some one like her was great to move in with , they could exchange war stories and parenting strategies and being supporting to one another .. Ha , yeah right . Not long after we move in , Erika asks to borrow our car , says she has to see the Dr. every morning for a shot and her brother was borrowing her car to 'fix it up' . We get a call not long after that if we don't find our way down to the Methadone clinic within the hour , our car was being impounded . My mom rushes down there to find that Erika is a , supposedly , recovering drug addict .. But the reason they called is because when they did a pre-shot drug scan she came up negative and wanted to impound her car so she couldn't drive under the influence again , thats when she told them the car wasn't hers . Things got worse and worse with her until the last straw . Erika had her 'brother' and his gf over for a night and we went to bed not thinking any thing of it . Her 7 year old , whom we were raising cause she was always gone or .. "gone" .. knocks on our door one morning and tells us she tried every thing but "mommy wont wake up" . My mom and I flew out of bed to find Erika passed out on the floor convulsing . We called 911 and she was rushed to the ER , the girls stayed w/ us that day and just cried . While she was gone , my mom went down to get the mail one day . After opening the rent notice she discovered that Erika was lying to her about the amount of money she needed each month . She tacked on cigarette and weed expenses w/o even consulting my mother . So when she returns home asking for the rent , my mom gives her ONLY what she truly needs to pay the rent .. Erika flips , steals my moms cell phone and tells her she can't have it back unless she gives her the rest of the money . My mom tells me to stay in the room , but the more I hear them arguing , the less I could stay in that room . They moved their argument out to the living room , where it took a sour turn . She began to swing on my mom as well as attempting to throw our cell phone over the balcony . When she got physical I tried to call 911 on the home phone , but she snatched the phone and hung it up . I tried once more , she told dispatch "every thing is fine , don't come" , which is usually a clear indication that there is something wrong , but they didn't catch the clue . I tried for the 3rd time to call , she ripped the phone cord out of the wall . I replaced the cord , put my hand over the wall socket and call again , she ripped the cord out again , hurting my hand . I was done with this , so I ran for the front door (not knowing it was locked) , she charged after me and my mom went into momma bear mode . She wrapped Erikas insanely long hair around her hand and yanked her back , screaming "dont touch my daughter!". I ran to my friend Jackies house and called the police from there .. That night I ended up moving into my dads , and the police told my mom just to move her stuff out if she didn't want to take Erika to court .
Think my life can't get any more interesting ? This was only age 12 .. I'll be 18 this year , and this is only 3 roommates out of .. Im not even sure how many ..

One wish ...

I wish life came with instructions .. A guide that tells us where to go and what not to do . Although with the way people listen these days , it would be ignored any ways .. I wish there was a book that told you how your actions would effect you and the people around you , even ones you don't know you're connected to ..
For example ; I have a little brother , he turned 13 in January , and I've never met him .. His mom bailed on my dad when the baby was first born , (according to my Dad) , never to seen or heard from again . Do I blame her for disappearing ? No . Would i have rathered her stayed with my dad .. Hell no ! But I do wish she could see how much it hurts to know my little brother has no idea who i am .. If any chance Anne or Joshua read this .. I would love to see my brother ..
But i know that only fairy tales have happy endings , my life on the other hand .. A series of unfortunate events , tragedies , and heart breaks .. I learned that at a very young age , and learned to live with the fact that life sucks , and never gets better .
Even the happiest looking people are miserable inside ..
Why ? Because no one cares how their actions affect others .. My life sucks because my family members are all either selfish , completely stupid , or run from their problems . There are so many generations of bull shit individuals on every side of my family , I constantly considering disowning them ...
I love them , but they make me miserable , they don't do anything that doesn't benefit them ..
I hardly ever feel like a part of the family .. I feel more comfortable with my best friends family ..
Wouldn't it be great if every body considered others in their decision making ? If people didn't just spring important information on you last minute ..? If your opinion matter to anyone ?
Welcome to the 21st century , where we are trying to stabilize mars , and we can parent-less babies , but our country is trillions of dollars in debt , mother earth is dying , families are being murdered , and your opinion either stays in your head , or your hated or dead ..
Quit while your ahead ..

I just wanna talk .. But should I ?

Sometimes I find myself in one of those moods where you're just like "Fuck everything , and everyone...". I currently feel like this almost everyday of my life . I don't understand why everything is always such a big fucking deal all the time .. Life is too short to spend all your time worrying about the little shit . I am to this point where I will just say the first thing that pops in my head and rolls off of my tongue , and that's pretty dangerous for me ..
Like I woke up from a random mid-day nap to a text from my friend (female) and as the conversation continued I told her I don't trust any of my friends around my bf when I'm not around . I don't think that's healthy though .... Like honestly if you cant trust your friends ..? Idk , but the way it came out was wrong so she took it wrong .. Luckily we recovered before she went to bed , 5 minutes ago . But I can't help feeling like nothing I do is right . When I don't say exactly what's on my mind , like .. if I try to say it nicely , im 'beating around the bush' or 'sugar coating' it . If I say it the way it pops in my head , I'm a 'bitch' , 'rude' , some how I'm 'inconsiderate' of other peoples' feelings . Well then how tf' am I supposed to say it ?! Fuck ...
See , there is a common misconseption that perfection exists .. NEWS FLASH DUMB ASSES !! No one is , will be , or has ever been 'perfect' .. it DOES NOT exist .. So stop holding people up to this ridiculous standard .. Honestly , if you think perfection is necessary .. start with your self .. Show us all how 'perfect' you can get .. But keep in mind that perfection doesn't brag , so you literally have to show us , with actions .. NO words .. Imposible ? Thought so .. Shut the hell up ..
I'm just so sick of being 'wrong' every thing I do is wrong .. Always . Just for once I'd like to be told I did something right .. but then again , why do I care to be held to the standards of other people... ? Why..? Cause I have no fucking choice .. It seems like until I'm 18 everything I do is EVERY single persons business , and conveniently .... they all think I'm wrong , but since they all think I'm wrong for different reasons , then they fight each other on who's more right about how wrong I am ... Honestly ? Are you serious ..?
However ; this disillusion that becomin an adult will relive that pressure haunts me , cause I know it's exactly that ... a disillusion . Why ? Because even once you're grown people think that your life and your choices are their business and they will always find a reason to try and throw you off your path ..
Lesson of this rant .... Trust no-one but yourself .. Cause only you really care about you ..
-Nelle♥